DRAFT — DO NOT DISTRIBUTE

This unpublished series of self-portrait nudes, taken between 2021 and 2022, marks the conclusion of the creative cycle that culminated in my solo exhibition What’s Written on the Body last October. I chose not to show these more provocative images publicly at the time, given the presence of many colleagues and clients at the gallery that night.

There is another reason for their release however. I perceive a distinct Puritanism in contemporary queer art these days, where political discourse often displaces raw sexuality in a way that it did not with popular queer artists of the 20th century like Keith Haring or Robert Mapplethorpe. And so part of the purpose here is to just celebrate prurience, yet elevate it I think to something more than lust. For example: during one of these shoots, while attempting to write on my own back with a magic marker, I found myself suddenly longing for someone to help me with the task. To crave intimacy enough with someone to let them write on your back with magic marker may seem trivial or ridiculous to some. Yet, to have someone perform such an act—because they were comfortable with your body and understood your mind—felt at that moment a void too great to bear. I proceeded with the shoot regardless, but these photos are ultimately a document of that lack. Beneath the overt exhibitionism of a sexually frustrated, submissive gay male lies a profound sense of isolation and apartness.

Green # 3

Aqua # 4

Blue # 5

What’s Written on the Body contained a number of images of me covered head-to-toe in black paint, all taken in a single session in June of 2021. I envisioned this entire series as shame symbolized by black paint over skin.

Shame # 1

Shame # 2

Shame # 3

Checked Shirt

Colourful Bottom

Nightside

Dickfire

The only close up dick shot in the series. The paint and paintbrush are real as I carefully painted my body for a photo session, of which many less provocative shots would appear in the show.

Lite Brite Nude: Ecstasy

Atman

There were a number of images in the show portraying my body overlaid with google maps of the area where I grew up. I am in these pieces trying to accept my own sexuality amidst the painful history of being raised in a rural, homophobic town.

What’s Written on The Body

Post Office

Quick Facts

The following is the oldest image in the series, taken prior to 2021 and at a time when I was particularly out of shape. I also emphasized my posture that I would appear even older and more frail. It was difficult to include this photo in this collection as even in art a queer man wants to present his body in the best possible light. But it would be a lie of omission not to include this piece. The title is meant to represent the flight into wisdom after the body has deteriorated.

Guru

A number of photos at the exhibit were taken during sessions I had covered my body in paint. There was no particular aim here beyond the novelty of one’s body as canvas.

Nude, with Frog

I lost my dog Spot last February. When I found this image below among other self-portraits of the era it occurred to me that my dog and I were symbolic of the intimacy of constant companionship. A relationship without guile, false modesty, or embarrassment. It is the most intimate and revealing yet least sexualized of all the photos of this exhibit.

Sleeping

This mural below was created over a period of months with block photos and photographs on paper and laminate which were then taped to the wall. The entire mural was about twelve feet high and seven feet wide. It was meant to be the culmination of the other nudes exhibited here, and some of the photographs and art included above can be seen in the mural as well. It is entitled The Passion of Shawn Holbrook. The Passion in reference to the passion of christ and the passion of Saint Sebastian, murdered by a Roman guard because he would not have sex with him. Shawn Holbrook was the name of my alter ego when I was in California.

The Passion of Shawn Holbrook

That’s the end of the cycle. It’s been a great five years putting all these pieces together. In September my new novel will come out and I will play author for a bit. After that I am considering a new art installation. Updates to come.